” Fort Hood – i want company in hell ” – everyday poetry 140

Fort Hood – i want company in hell

prompts by my esteemed Colleagues Harvey and Rick

well, we are Veterans anyway

so in a box of dialogue

the tables are moved so Adam can be in the circle

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and really it is Leilani that is entrenched in the inner circle, but now 17 minutes after it is Patrick, and Leilani is hoping to not be smothered by we other Writers, the Veterans that she tends too … mind expansion & a therapeutic atmosphere that is not all aesthetic but it’s cool

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the topic, not so much, running turmoil of a soul gone to pot, i’m sort of in the same spot, but with a different stew, and so my take is different too, from one who has been baked burnt

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turned heads he did, big POP, ringing ears in the fears of hidden souls going deeper and deeper in, and reptilian modes go where regular people just don’t go to hope and save the day, for one or two or just for U, and U deserve to live… sometimes is what one just keeps on having to tell themselves until it rings true, because it’s true

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and nobody knows the internal workings of the mind of Ivan Lopez, just little bits and pieces of last wishes, thoughts and attempts at life which were not successful, not because the trying was impossible, but because that which could have been the trying was no longer viable, not in his mind, vision had gone inward to the dark thoughts, and those fed the killing of any other chance to try to have a successful life

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was he really thinking that he wanted company in hell, was it that he wanted people to feel his pain, was it his own hell that he was trying to make others feel, was he unvalidated as a person who cannot get help for that which he obviously needed help for, can we figure this out at all, i mean really at all, so that there will be no other times when others fall

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is this just another totality of war, though Ivan was not in the war, was he really not in it, how many people who were not in war, were really in it? | i mean effects, there are, front line vision, front line action, and front line retractions from political factions who will have it… that none else will ever discover this that happened.

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the grief of loss for all the other people mourning their fallen, now they affected MUCH MUCH MORE – from the tally,

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the tally of freedom is not free, breezing in statements glib – and calling for attention, those who just want to be heard for a little bit more of the time than the issue at hand, so to the stands they go, and in this little scribble there is no soap box, but a searching for realities not related to but in a way is me, and is you, and is up to us to find something to do, something for the mind stretch to get us off of crying benches, drenched in the wetness of tears that have been cried for years, with hopeless heads hung low, just relying on a political fix to their best interests, not to that of the situation, not the road to the best civility that could be possible … and another wrong outcome

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i am not in this like hum drum, in the death that i seen, in the death that i’ve been, and the death that almost buried me as well,  in the six feet of dirt, who cares what kind of shirt i have on when that time comes. Nobody cares, but for the spirit of these now under, we must continue to ponder, and so ponder i do like U, to just let it all go out on the paper, let it all go out in the stream of just flow and letting it go, letting it go , letting it go, but not to let it go, but to find what it is that can be done, to help us to become whole, and for those who are already, to allow U to become even more whole

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did he really take them to his hell, is all i can think right now, did he really show everyone what hell he was in… if it was his intentions, it is my belief that it was subconscious… unless he was just pure evil, like a sick sadist, which i have no knowledge of, no suggestions, but thoughts they come for lights of possible approaches to solutions.

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could be that there was just so much pain, and he thought other people had caused it, and because he could not get to them, perhaps he settled with the random, or was it that Fort Hood caused him the problems, and he related those problems to anybody on Fort Hood, all of what we shall never know, it is locked forever in a body with no more running blood

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what is known, there is no real help for those in the the Active service, when PTSD, and Depression, most always means medical discharge, or… a release that is undesirable, a stigma that will kill more opportunities that one did not have in the first place, there has to be a way to seek help, a way to get help, sensitive people who notice, who will give referrals outside of the… , U’r crazy, and get out of my Corps, my Army, my Air Force, my Navy, and this then, this help NEED too, extends to the Veterans.

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