” if i had education i would of been a motherfucker ” – everyday poetry 146

“if i had education i’d be a motherfucker” – coming from Gary Snider’s earth house hold – and was picked out by Our Brother Vet Eric

13:25:47 on 05/13/14

for me, if i did not smoke weed, i would have been a motherfucker

cross country running maniac with times splitting U’r mind

a healthy mind, that would have fueled even more of the autodidactic ascertainments of my time, and the formal education process that came with 25 years of time for the pieces of paper that i hold from California State University Los Angeles

so i have an education, from several schools, and several schools of thought

owens tech college where too many breakdowns & a GPA of a 2.0 , i still knew not how to study, and had no study buddies

hartnell community college, with 2 associates degrees and so much frisbee, but no loving as i was in that spiritual state of christianity where i was waiting for that woman that i would love fully, and she would reciprocate that very love… it never happened, never happened at all – and just maybe this is the education i have yet to receive, or all of the life and death lessons, the wounds and the accolades to the pinnacles of my elated mind have kept me out of reach of that for mine

CALSTATE LA and the digression to the most severe breakdowns, and being victimized because of them, even as college and the time at the university were too, my times of therapy, and just about out the door when it all again hit me, more so was the abuses, than the depressive suicidal ideations wanting to take every single thing out of my brain with a bullet train of thought splatting on the cement next to me – too many times to count

and so with about 12 years checked out, deep in the hell of another education, the loss of faith in people, and their falsities of religion, and this, not unlike the education of the streets, and the education of the USMC taking traces of my own integrity strengthened, and was the only first source of education that allowed me through the war untold – where a prisoner of war could continue to be MIA even to this day when i am here amongst U now… just hoping to live somehow, but how

and the path back to the community college setting of PCC (Pasadena Community College) by far, the warmest college campus setting of my experience, maybe because it was the first campus that i had the help of a psychologist in the navigation process, the only way continuing the long journey was possible at all, she pushed me out the door, and back to the CALSTATELA campus where finally my BSW was earned, the BSW that was 1/4 of a quarter from being in my hand before severe breakdowns and victimization stole it away!

if i had an education, i would have been a motherfucker, but not to the monsters who bore their heads to sever mine, an honorable service & release for 3 in my family of Marines, my Good Conduct Medal shown my integrity to service, my Meritorious promotion to noncommissioned officer – as a Grunt 0311, my overseas ribbons, my commendations of exemplary duty, most off the books, and nowhere to be found… i guess, but there were many – this education kept me in the trenches when others and myself wanted me out, and those who intervened, in a  way, helped me to see

streets, autodidactic, formal education, education of being victimized while sunk deep into the hands of disabilities with no way of knowing what it was, and how to at least mitigate it, and the learning through many years of therapy, these very ways of mitigation,

who knows what other roads to education, the path of writing that i have been on, both autodidactic and the tutalidge of our fearless leader and other Veterans, and the education of art in an autodidactic pace – we bring U , we bring me, we bring we more avenues of education

so until the end – if i had education – it doesn’t have to be elusive – and i would’ve been a motherfucker – well be that motherfucker now!

look back, look forward to all the educational situations U have been in, and all the educational opportunities to come

 

BSW CALSTATELA

BSW CALSTATELA

bachelors degree

 

 

2 thoughts on “” if i had education i would of been a motherfucker ” – everyday poetry 146

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