” suddenness & onsets ” – everyday poetry 160

suddenness & onsets written today in our Veteran Writers Workshop – with Leilani our fearless leader, Adam, Rick, Patrick, and myself 091714 @ 114701 “suddenness & onsets” U seen me in U’r kitchen making my whole grain shelled burrito with fish and avocado, salsa and cabbage we had a good conversation that day and U already knew   not like some friends who have not a clue not a detrimental statement to their character it is just a fact that’s shared   they seen me in many conversations, in the classrooms, @ art shows too we heard for the first time, this wind blown out from hell we come together now to surpass the least glanced in any non-visual yesterdays for the normalcy that everyone knows me to be!   never for so many years now has there been any feeling of normalcy none in my head, none in my body, none in the temperature, none in the conversations of others in my earshot proximities! i gained some trust from some – after i told them all about the craziness that is my realities i gained some trust in others as their integrity to civility created a road i seen the rain come down getting wet in my front and my behind i had a fish and shrimp with avocado meal with salsa and still felt dead inside and out i tried to explain it to U you shared, you always look & seem normal to me   U never seen me huddled in a puddled desperation to hide the anguish of not wanting to be around U never seen the cornered man in homeless shelter after homeless shelter in stand still shock – shrieking silent screams senselessly sabotaging my health over and over again U never seen the frozen me – in shut down, shut off, shutting doors, shifting attention to something much more easier to do than the complexities of what to U was already simple to do! U could not see past my eyes into the anguished scream of silence and knowing no help may come to my rescue U – at no fault of your own never understood, maybe still don’t understand, the complexities of the horror experienced in non-stop-motion-ongoing horror i don’t want U to feel bad, i still don’t understand too, though i understand much more in all my seeking of wellness! 120915

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