suicide bridge – 2 – everyday poetry 218

with Veterans Lucy, Rick, Patrick and myself and our fearless leader Leilani

 

topic of bricks stacked a mile high on rows and rows of crates bound up with steal strips of metal… waiting at a shipyard, and coming from every corner of the world, wherever you can imagine a U.S. Soldier, Marine, Sailer, Airman, NationalGuards person to have served

those who never came back but are here, those who never came back and are not with us

those who are unknowingly simmering in pain, and “quite all right”

those macho men and women who have served, with the mindset of…

fuck that shit, i don’t need any help, i got this shit!

yes, women who serve, they are exposed to the… suck it up, keep going, your not hurt, quit crying, quit your whining, don’t let your team down, don’t let your squad down, don’t be a weak link, watch your brothers, your sisters back

and that is just it, women are doers in Americans culture of boys don’t cry, don’t need help, can do anything, and girls / women, they can do anything… without anybody telling them they can do anything… yes, there are obstacles, men have them too… the memory, the experience, and ingenuity of a good brain, a great brain, a brain of survival, a brain of safety for you and your team, squad, platoon etc.

this is where we are at

and we are home, and some of us are not here

because we are there, in the presence of ghosts with our ghost

combat many, and sometimes in non-combat – when you are serving – there are at times some or many, as well as the almost losing of your person as well

trauma in this world – sometimes not uncommon from the Civilian world, the United States Communities where trauma happens.

We Veterans, trying to understand as a family, and sharing it with our world – families and friends, advocates and strangers in need, so many have family that has served… we are not that separate in relation to some commonalities!

my checkout time could be this year… i am a hard working man, as my checkout time has come close so many times by the hands of others… including this heart disease scare, and, this life, though i be a ghost, in the physical, it has been almost done in by the hands given to me as well

don’t ask

not with that judgmental tone… like you are that superman or woman, you where the same flesh as me – with different experiences. Maybe you have not been almost killed as many times that i have been, or maybe you have not lived more than a year with the threat of having someone take your life to the violence of combat, or murder even… now try over 10 years, hell, try just a day, you will hate it as much as any amount of time that it happens…

the trauma, it is complex then, it bleeds the severe depressive disorder, it rains tears that can’t be stopped, with deep guttural cries that leaves you dry and empty from the gut to the entirety of your head, the pain that makes one wish that they were dead

is different you see, you know, or now do you know!?

understanding is just as complex as the streams of air flowing from the suicide bridge to drenched pavement below – the ghost can be hot or cold

those who have not the tongue movement to form shapes in the air for descriptions of overwhelming pain, not that everyone has a description of that in the first place

sometimes one knows nothing at all – trauma oft lives in the subconscious – in the subliminal where ghosts live and play and wish that they could have that… another time to have a chance for quality… for life lived and to the fullest for that which they deserve

lets reduce the # of 22 or higher

just give a Veteran a listen – maybe we speak nothing of trauma, maybe it is too difficult to find the trauma buried in a soul

140121 on 08/17/16

 

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