” My heart beats wide ” – everyday poetry 229

Today at group therapy with our fearless leader Leilani Squire – with several Veterans missing Wes in Vietnam, Erren – i don’t know where, Carlos – he has been MIA for awhile, hopefully i will hang on the 20th – to nature = to the mountain

Lucy Ann was here, so was Terre, so was Rick, So was Lone Wolf, so was Adam, and myself – what’s his name!

i have been absent quite a bit myself… this is a very depressing time of year for me, as i am certain that it is for many others – for that i am sad and sorry. i wished i could help you, maybe this writing – poem if you will = will help.

I was at Wellness Works – Glendale for this and all day therapy. Then i went to see Z – crossfit818 coach in Glendale – Wonderful People to include Evette, Myles, and other coaches – sorry i don’t know all the names, but they help Veterans too, talk to them, and show them the dd214 or VA card – they will put you on a journey that U wish to be on… part of it too, like Wellness Works

 

When the rubber hits the road

My heart beats wide
After it narrowed from the screeching of the tires and the near misses of other drivers in pissy response to the wreck less abandonment

Christmas
Thanks giving
Easter
New years
Veterans day
And the loneliness of being alone with the past that is not my own, but that i am tied to ghosted to and the hell

halloween and all those other things = just reminder of death when all else = all the merriment, the loudness of voices in exuberance, and the pans and the talk of life situations

All just a common summons to the death chamber, i can’t shake it

I want a different experience
To make my heart beat wide

I want a lovely woman
In my eyes beheld
Who wants to read my writings
Who wants me to read her soul
Who wants what she wants
And my wants too
To spend naked mondays together like christina agular if she still does that
To do the daring
To make new goals

Can i do any of that by my self
No
To take that journey of be normal again
Don’t ask, and don’t say it

It means to at least have some kind of life one wants and be in more ways what one wants to be

I want to shoot the moon, and all that glitters = before my heart stops
Want to have meaning to the mundane and to add meaning to that which has yet to be addressed

Santa clause my ass
But if anybody could help me
Even if you feel you want to dress as the santa clause – be you male or female
And give me some fucking presents damn it…

Ha ha funny
But really
For the fantasy of life

I still want a very nice bed, one thing i lust for the most, but i know other things go with it, a window, and/or better some balcony doors that open up to fresh air!

Meaning, a bedroom with enough room for the bed and the ambiance enough to want to be there – to actually be there

I would like that back yard, does it go back, way back into acres of trees, flowers , planted food and maybe some wonderful doggies one or 2 and some cats maybe one,maybe 2

Can i have a kitchen, way bigger than mine, that space where the microwave and toaster is, the fridge is on the other side of the bed

O.K.
My heart still hurts – but what does not make it hurt, what makes it not hurt…

I need to drink a gallon of water today, maybe that will help!

 

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artist on the cusps of love and being loved

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