” tomorrow’s tests and pleasures ” – everyday poetry 238

Today, i was at the much needed group therapy. Adam was there… he has been gone for a month to the wonderful Land of Hawaii – Lucy Ann was there… she had been off to the big country of Texas, Rick was there, he was off to the same place i have been off to, nowhere in particular and all the usual places i surmise. And three other people – that is, me, myself, and i, but I don’t know which one of those i am right now, so please help!

Our fearless leader LeiLani had some personal things to take care of… i hope as does the group that all is fine. We also missed LoneWplf Who could not stay, and Patrick, Terre, Erren, and Wes all MIA today – of course, they are missed too, some have the difficulties of difficulty. Here goes, with the prompt from yours truly – and everyone had great writings, straight forward and to the point.

tomorrow’s tests and pleasures

I got an A on that one, and many others… I was getting straight A in the paralegal classes At PCC for the first year, then, i got a couple Bs

I passed many tests in 2 associates degrees from Hartnell College, even though i was very active in leadership roles in the Senate and in other clubs. I put on concerts, and other events while president of a Christian Club for 2 years, and i was a senator and a club liaison leader each of those 2 years respectively.

I passed with A’s B’s and C’s sometimes… and a D here and there, first class of Espanol and i think i had some problems in stats the first time around, second time i think my grade was a B in each.

Passing these tests and passing the tests of time.
There were never any real pleasures in those times, i mean yeah, i hung out with friends, i drowned myself in many activities which was quite different from the activities a year earlier for about 2 years of mostly isolation, this has been a fluxuation situation pending on the ebb and flow of depressive disorder and how people or activities was bothering me to get to them.

Even being victimized, i passed that test… retrospectively with introspection, probably way a above the honor roll curb. I mean, i did not change into an evil person… i did not and have not, and will not seek vengeance for the people who committted crimes against me, but i do seek an avenue to teach our society to be friendlier, more civil by addressing such, and so the truth to be revealed is my greatest endeavor i seek…

In the test of a name, if i get my name back will i then get some pleasure… like in all the years of college, before with the christian conscience at my heals, it is the way I wanted it,

i decided to follow fully in the vein of love
I decided to kill my flesh to the yearning and desires of the passion stirred in my soul
I decided to wait for pleasure, for that pleasure

But i never got there
Yes, it pursued me
And i turned it all down
Even the criminal, i turned it all down
No one could get to me
I was centered in the Christian culture

But with out that pleasure
I was dying
I was faltering
I was falling to this depression of repression

Did she see it, did she know, did she read my poetry
Did she pick up the pieces
Was she a predator
Typically the male is called the predator
So can the female too be predacious
Can they look for that notch, for that prized conquest

I passed that test too, nobody could get to me
Almost did – tricking me… in my anguished mind
Trying to take myself out
Trying to lose no more time
Trying to live, but feeling all life was behind

Pleasures been stolen to the mental anguish of criminals
And to my commitment to spirituality
That 10 year burst
Was not all a blast
Like i say
There was the social events
Barbie Q’s, hiking, camping, church functions
That 10 years there was no real pleasures
But it was a pleasure to share genuine love with everybody i shared the love with

There was some o.k. Times, but no real pleasure
I guess eating some good food with some real good friends, the family i found in my Veteran friends, the helps in civilian friends who become Veteran Advocates, and advocates of my wellness knowing how i was and am victimized from criminals = their actions ongoing

I have never been a criminal, the test of time shows i never will be
People can make false assertions and put it in writing, get others to gang up against you and make sure that you have no way, ABSOLUTELY NO WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF

This still does not mean you are a criminal
The truth to be revealed
A book
A novel
The records
And the true record then, it shall reflect
I am a saint that cusses

In that i give all my best love to all i know and interact with, even the criminals in that regard

13.39.17
On February 1st

What is crimson is outlined - Register to hire this Marine as an artis in August

What is crimson is outlined – Register to hire this Marine as an artis in August

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s